Funny Marriage Quotes

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

-Groucho Marx

“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.”

-Unknown

“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”

-Mae West

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

"Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish..."

"After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby."

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."

Henry Youngman

" An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."

Agatha Christie

"Women like silent men, they think they're listening."

" Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."

-Joey Adams

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

-Henry Youngman

"Before marriage a man yearns for a woman after marriage the ‘y’ is silent ."

"I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice."

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